Donut Balls

Amanda B. has an incredible number of ridiculous opinions, but there is one that is superior to all others. 
What’s the round dough object called that comes out of the center of a donut? A donut hole, right?

WRONG, according to Amanda. You see, this girl is under the false pretence that they are, in fact, called donut balls, not donut holes. I have trouble even fathoming how wildly incorrect this is. With my own personal beliefs aside (which are obviously that they are called donut holes), there are three convincing arguments as to why donut “balls” are made up and, dare I say, revolting. 

Google Results

When you go to google.com and type in donut balls, seven different recipe links will pop up on the first page, which is clearly the only one anyone cares about. Out of these seven recipes, six of them refer to them as donut holes in the title, even though the Google search specified donut balls. If the term donut ball was legitimate, why would Google, the most used and trusted search engine, spit out results for donut holes instead of balls?

To further analyze this, one must look to the algorithm Google uses to determine what information should be shown to users. The company itself does not disclose what aspects are taken into consideration when deciding what sites and links should be displayed before others to ensure equality of opportunity. However, search engine optimization (SEO) consultants have determined that the algorithm analyzes over 200 contributing factors to guarantee the relevancy and usefulness of a website. These factors include quality of information and links on the site, amount of time spent by users on the site, and keyword usage. Through the algorithm and factors present on the site, Google is able to provide users with the quickest, most reliable information available at that time.

Therefore, even under the search term “donut balls,” Google felt that the most reliable and useful information available was in regards to donut holes, not donut balls. From there, it is almost too easy to draw the conclusion that yes, donut holes is the most trustworthy title for the delicious food.

However, not everything you read on the Internet can be trusted, of course. So, let’s go to the people. 

101 High Schoolers

On a survey sent out to 101 random high school students between the ages of 14 and 18, it was found that 77.6% of students believed that the proper term for the spherical dough is donut hole, while a mere 22.4% agrees with the well meaning, but mislead, Amanda. When responding to the survey, students were also asked to describe their thought process behind their answer. One response I found particularly convincing stated that “if you were to cut out the inside of a donut, that’s what it would be called. It just makes sense.” Another respondent said that “it is the hole missing from inside of the donut, therefore; it is a donut hole rather than a donut ball.” On the other side of the argument, the donut ballers argued their take by saying “they are F#$#ing balls.” Whereas the people who believe it is called a donut hole responded with calm, logical reasoning, the ballers best argument consistently had not basis or factual evidence to concrete their points. Once again, the donut hole comes out on top. 

The Baking Bitch

Now, finally, I turned to a trained professional to get the official bakery opinion on donut holes vs. donut balls. My colleague Bethany A. worked in a supermarket bakery for several months, specializing in frying donuts. In addition to this, she is attending schooling in the hopes of being a baker throughout her life. When I sat down with Bethany, her opinion was final and obvious. “I call it a donut hole. The bakery calls them and sells them as donut holes.” She further stated that every bakery she was aware of sold the products as holes, not balls. There was no backing for donut balls and unfortunately for Amanda, the hope was dead.

Conclusion

After looking at Google, a random survey, and sitting down with a trained professional, it is clear that the public’s opinion and professional consensus completely obliterates the donut hole vs. donut ball discussion and deems holes the winner. Sorry to anyone out there who thinks otherwise. Better luck next time.