Ketchup “Toast”

For my last blog post of 2019, I thought I would end the year with a bang.

A disgusting bang, but a bang nonetheless.

For most people, sitting down with the family for a nice Sunday breakfast would include bacon, eggs, orange juice, and of course, toast. And, just like everyone else, Amanda enjoys lathering her toast with a tasty condiment to enhance the flavor. Peanut butter, grape jelly, honey, or some kind of jam, right? I could even get behind marmite if it came down to it. 

But no. Amanda covers her toast in the sauce meant for french fries, burgers, and basically any other American food staple.

That’s right. Ketchup.

Ketchup: An Art

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am one of the biggest fans of ketchup you could find. I would even go as far as to call myself a ketchup connoisseur. If a restaurant fills Heinz ketchup containers with off-brand nonsense, I can tell and I will be revolted. I understand that especially in America, ketchup is a condiment that is to be held above all others and can be enjoyed on a wide variety of products.

However, ketchup does not belong on toast. Now, I get it. The argument can be made that ketchup toast is basically just grilled cheese, but without the cheese. That’s what Amanda said to me, anyway (ha. haha.). But there’s the issue itself! It’s missing half the title of “grilled cheese” – cheese is the most important ingredient! Without it, the grilled bread becomes TOAST and ketchup does not belong on toast. This isn’t the only issue, though.

Amanda’s View on Toast

According to the Cambridge English Dictionary, toast is “sliced bread that has been made brown by being put near a high heat.” This may not seem important right now, because DUH, if it wasn’t like that, it would just be bread. Just you wait.

For a majority of people, toast is bread that has been cooked to the point of browning. If you look at the chart above, I like my toast at a nice 6.5. Not too light, not too dark, right?

Amanda, on the other hand, likes her “toast” at a nice 1. If even. How can you call that toast? It has no color, no firmness. It’s like calling the Axis Power the good guys! They are two completely different items, two completely different foods. Amanda believes that toast is warm bread, really.

Putting it to the Test

I understand that I just can’t sit here and make blatant judgements if I’ve never tried it. I would lose all credibility and just look silly. So what did I do?

Made ketchup “toast” with Amanda, exactly the way she likes it.

As you can see in the video, I was completely disgusted. There was nothing I liked about it. The limp, disappointing bread that was pretending to be toast. The once incredible ketchup completely dishonored by being placed on the warm, butter soaked bread.

Andy, on the other hand, wasn’t quite as disgusted as me. He liked the ketchup taste, but not the bread. As you could see though, at the end of the clip, he shook his head and said “it’s bad.” That’s right, Amanda. It’s. Bad.

In Remembrance

Now, I would like to take a brief moment of silence for my taste buds, the bread and ketchup that was wasted in this experiment, and Amanda’s shattered hopes and dreams. Ketchup toast was disastrous. Better luck next time.